Why your deep POV isn’t deep enough (and how to fix it)
There are a lot of reasons readers might not finish your book. (Or any book, really.)
You might stay up at night patching plot holes, constructing character backstory, or laboring over that one line that doesn’t read quite right.
But the sneaky issue you might not think of? Point of view (POV).
Point of view problems can take many forms. But lately, I’ve noticed one issue that has caused me to DNF a few books when reading for pleasure: A deep third-person POV that just isn’t deep enough.
Let me explain what I mean. Have you ever read a book that felt like a play-by-play without emotional connection? You were reading the words but not feeling the story.
A deep third-person point of view has an inherent capacity to build emotional connection. But it falls short when writers don’t fully explore its potential.
You’re a writer who wants readers to finish your book. You want to make your readers feel things. So in this article, I want to help you:
Learn how to write in deep third-person POV well
Spot and fix the common mistakes that turn deep POV shallow
Try writing exercises to deepen your POV in a scene (and maybe your whole novel)
What is deep third-person point of view (POV)?
Deep POV—also called close or limited point of view—is a variation of third-person subjective that has become more common. Let’s break down what this means:
Third person: Using “he/she/they” (not “I” or “you”).
Subjective: Can see inside characters minds, reporting their thoughts and feelings to the reader.
Deep/close/limited: Can only be in one character’s mind at a time (not omniscient). Has access to all their thoughts, motivations, feelings, and sensations.
When done well, this POV is popular because:
It feels close and intimate, even when in third person. It rivals first-person for intimacy and immediacy.
The reader experiences each scene through a character’s thoughts, feeling and sensations, like being caught in the middle of a flash mob instead of watching things unfold from the cheap seats.
No filter words are needed, reducing word clutter and insulation between reader and character. For example, “she felt” and “he heard” melt away as thoughts become indirect narrative.
Side note: One issue that can arise in this POV is head hopping. This is when you’re in one character’s POV but hop into a non-POV character’s thoughts and feelings. Because close POV snuggles up to just one character at a time, you are limited to a camera view of the others (only what a camera could capture). So when using this POV, stay in one head at a time, and don’t bounce between characters’ thoughts in a scene.
Common deep POV mistakes writers make
There’s nothing more disappointing than when you expect something to go deep… and it fails to deliver. Obvious innuendos aside, these issues can prevent your novel from delivering a satisfying experience to readers.
Slipping Through My Fingers: Creating Distance
Mistake: The narrative voice sneakily slips into an external, omniscient viewpoint. It can happen gradually and be nearly undetectable. But the overall effect is that readers are pushed out of the story, bit by bit. Look for an absence of thoughts, feelings and sensations. Keep an eye out for a neutral or detached narrator.
Fix: Stay tightly in one character’s head per scene or chapter. Write everything through their perceptions—what they see, feel, assume, or misinterpret. Is the character—and by association the reader—feeling something in this scene?
Don’t Tell Me How to Feel: Telling Instead of Feeling
Mistake: No one likes to be told how to feel. Calm down. Smile and be happy. This should make you mad. I’m bristling just writing this. So don’t push away your readers by doing the same. Using summary phrases like “she felt sad” or “he was startled” don’t actually inspire those feelings in readers. No one wants their novel narrated play-by-play like sports commentary.
Fix: As a writer, you want to elicit these feelings from your readers, not describe them. Show emotions through a character’s reactions, physical sensations, internal reactions, and biased perceptions and interpretations. Show what the character's body is doing in response to emotion (tight chest, flushed skin, dry mouth) and let it reveal rather than explain what they feel. Cut the filter words: thought, felt, saw, wondered, noticed, realized add distance. Instead of “she felt nervous,” you could say “sweat pooled behind her knees.”
Not Taking a Stance: Generic or Objective Language
Mistake: Using language that doesn't reflect the character’s personality, mood, or worldview. This POV is not objective, so neither is your narrator’s voice.
Fix: The narrative voice is the character's voice. Word choice, metaphors, and tone should reflect how that character sees the world. If your character is jealous, insecure, or hopeful, let that skew their interpretation of events.
Dulling the Senses: Not Using All Sensations
Mistake: Relying too heavily on visual cues and forgetting smell, sound, touch, or internal body awareness. Readers feel like they’re watching a TV show, not engaging all their senses for a deeper immersion in the story.
Fix: There’s nothing as potent (and in my opinion, as enjoyable) as the full-sensory hallucinations we can have while reading. It’s illusion in its finest form. Anchor the reader in the character’s body. Use visceral, specific sensory details to draw readers deeper into the character’s lived experience.
Reading a Diary: Too Much Internal Monologue or Reflection
Mistake: No one wants to be stuck in their own head too long—even your main character. While deep POV gives you access to character thoughts, long introspective passages can stall pacing. Readers find it indulgent at best, boring at worst.
Fix: Balance thoughts with action, dialogue, and reaction. Weave interiority into what's happening now, not just memories or opinions.
Writing exercises for deep POV
Want to deepen your POV in a scene? Reimagine and reinvigorate it with these writing exercises:
Shallow third-person: Sometimes it helps to do exactly what you’re trying to avoid. Take a scene and redline character thoughts, feelings and sensations. If you have large sections devoid of them to start with, you’ll notice an absence of redlining. This helps you pinpoint where depth is missing.
Deep third-person from another character: To better grasp how a character’s POV will skew and shape a scene, try writing it from another character’s POV (ideally someone very different from the main character). If the original scene is from a grumpy character, rewrite it from an optimistic one. Again, doing the opposite can bring awareness to all the ways a specific character’s experiences shape a scene.
Deep third-person from the main character: You’ve written it the “wrong” way. You’ve written it from another POV. Now revise the original scene as you intended it: framed by your character’s voice and perspective, and full of sensory detail that creates depth.
Become a stronger writer, draft by draft
Your first draft might not take full advantage of the closeness close POV gifts you. And that’s ok! First (and even second and third) drafts are for revising.
Working with a developmental editor is a great way to get personalized feedback to improve your manuscript—and your writing skills as a whole. Curious about what that entails? Learn more about my developmental editing services for fiction writers and contact me if you’d like a free discovery call and sample edit. It could be the step that finally takes you to the next level.
